Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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