So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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