I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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