u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
