If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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