if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize