Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
