we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
