My first STD was from a foam party
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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