I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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