I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
