you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
