I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
