do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
