Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
