I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
