my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
