the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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