i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
