i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
