Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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