I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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