i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
