I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize