I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
