Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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