Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
