My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
