he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
