sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
