pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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