Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
