So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
