Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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