whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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