I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
