...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
