I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
