im six kinds of drunk right now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
