I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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