shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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