this beer tastes like vomit already
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
