Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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