i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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