the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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