she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
