i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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