she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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