k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
