okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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