Jerry, you need to find god
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
