I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize