Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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