TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's blow job season.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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