Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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