dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
