My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize