He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
