She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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