Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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