Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
