There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
