I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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