It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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