I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
