I cannot find my penis.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Be still, my beating vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
