So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
