Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
