wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
