I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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