i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
