am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So vagazzling was a success
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
