I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
