kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize