fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
