it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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