Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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