Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
