is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
