What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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