is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
