um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
