Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
