there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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