Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
