did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
