i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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