I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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