We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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