so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
