is your mom at the bar?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
