hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
