grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
