I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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