walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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