And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
