I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
