champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
