You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize