we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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