Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
