I am midnight drunk by noon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
