And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
