Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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