I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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