we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
