i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
