i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
