You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize