i think my tv is drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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