I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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