Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
