I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
