also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can't just leave with hair like that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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