I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
