Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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