Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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